A couple months ago, I asked for questions concerning PK's (preacher's kids) and stated I would try to answer them. Here is the first attempt. I am by no means an authority and your comments, suggestions, or further questions are welcome.
QUESTION: How can a PK "toe the line" in what the church teaches and keep friendship with the other youth that may not "toe the line"? Then, the obvious next question would be, how can the PK go a little further and positively influence the ones that don't "toe the line"?
ANSWER: First, let's clarify "toe the line." I think I can safely assume the phrase means, "following the teachings of the church, adhering to church standards, etc." The first thing to consider is the attitude and spirituality of the PK. If the PK is sincere in worship, "toes the line," and is friendly, these are key components to influencing the other youth. Sincere worship cannot be faked and other youth know if the PK's dedication to God is real or not. The PK must be careful to never condemn any other youth that do not "toe the line," and resist the urge to treat those youth differently. It is important the PK keeps a friendly attitude towards all youth in the congregation. Most PK's struggle with resentment towards the youth that do not "toe the line," because the PK feels those youth should know better and find them to be disrespectful to the PK's dad/mom. When the PK shows sincere kindness and devotion, they will be well liked among the youth and have influence. Even doing all this, the PK must be willing to accept rejection from the youth who are determined to be rebellious to the teachings of the church. For these instances, I remind my son that not even Jesus could persuade everyone. The youth that reject the PK and the pastor's instruction, still need to be loved. That can be hard for a young PK, but hang in there. Time will prove all things and the rebellious will either leave (get outta yo way) or they will finally come to repentance.
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This sounds hard for a young PK, especially a shy one. And this is about relationships of the PK and other youth within the same church. What about outside the church? At school? on the local Football team? What is the PKs influence there?
ReplyDeleteHelen - you are right. It is hard and I was one of the shy PK's. However, even a painfully shy PK can smile. The key is being consistent with all the youth. Being shy is often interpreted as being a snob. That was the most difficult part for me because I wasn't a snob. The PK's influence outside the church is a good one. I'll think about it and post later.
ReplyDeleteJana...great question, great answer.
ReplyDeleteI also was one of the shy ones. :-)
Just being real, genuine in your prayer, worship and love (for God and people) will go a long way.
I agree with Helen, there needs to be a Part 1b...because influence on the outside is another huge area where many PK's struggle...some have no problem being a leader in the house, but when we leave the 4 walls of church do we go continue to maintain our ability to lead, influence...just go with flow...or hide out in our little shell/sphere of influence?
Mark - thanks for your comment. I am thinking about the PK's influence outside the church and will post later. From past experiences, I think I have some input. I will post as soon as I colect my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteJana, great thoughts. I really like what you had to say. These words will someday help Sheldon. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteGood post. Mine have never had problems be kind to kids who don't quite live up to the line. We always teach them that "our family" is here to serve not just Dad. As far as feeling people disrespect when not living up to the teachings, I know mine have viewed it that way but so do the saint's children. Again we teach ours that we aren't the judge that God judges. As far as the "rejection" to the PK, we have found that often people will say things to or about our children because they aren't brave enough to address it with the pastor and/or they know that the pastor & wife feel pain when their children are dealt with harshly. We like you try to encourage ours to be nice to everyone in and out of the church.
ReplyDeleteTracie - thanks for your comments. My children are viewed as very friendly and, within our district, they are considered popular. We teach our children to be nice because that is what pleases God. My husband and I probably differ with you in that we do not teach our children they are here to serve along with their dad. We have made a point to never expect our kids to be "examples" and push them into ministry. We teach them just like we teach our congregation - live holy, be holy, work for the kingdom, because that is what God wants. Not because your daddy is the pastor. Hopefully, you will accept my words as friendly and not as argumentive. We know too many PK's who backslid because of the expectations put on them as the PK. We have chosen to refrain from expecting our kids to perform because they are the PK. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Please visit my blog again soon.
ReplyDeleteDebbie - thanks for your comment. Sheldon is going to be fine young man without any of my input. I believe in you and Mark.
ReplyDeleteJana,
ReplyDeleteGreat post! This is a difficult question but you did a good job with your reply. We also do not push Curtis to be involved in ministry but to do right and be a good christian.
As a result he is popular in the district and he has felt his call into ministry. He is also well like by people outside of church. I constantly am asked by some of my business associates that have met Curtis, How is Curtis? etc..
Kevin - I was hoping you would drop by. Thanks for your comment. It is a difficult question and I am certainly no authority on the subject. I can only speak from experience. Our oldest son, Bryce, will soon be 22 and he is greatly respected in our community and at his university. Our other two are still young, 11 and 6, but are popular with their peers. The 11 year old has been asked to speak and sing at various kids rallies. Our little girl is just a darling, sweet princess who lives for singing in the kids choir. I think the best we can do, is plant the love of God in their hearts and encourage them in their walk with the Lord. If they are close to God, they can survive anything.
ReplyDeleteJana, I talked to a friend of yours today Karla (Martinez) Hamm. She is now married to our Youth Pastor Danny Hamm. They just got back from a UPCI Mercy Mission Trip to El Salvador. I will write about it in my blog later. I was telling them about your blog. LOL! Karla said oh, Jana, I know her! LOL!!
ReplyDeleteKevin - Oh my gracious! Yes, I definitely know Karla and she is a sweetheart! I read your blog about a couple going on a mercy mission but the name didn't click with me. I am not used to the name "Hamm." LOL Karla has traveled with us on Western District Youth On Missions. Please give her a hug for me.
ReplyDeleteI don't view your remarks as argumentative. Maybe I didn't articulate very well. We treat ours just as the saints children, too! We have found there is joy in serving. Just as you ended your post "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord" It is our goal that every home in our church will serve the Lord. We've never had to make ours do anything. I agree with what you said to do it because that is what God wants us to do! I guess what I was saying and obviously didn't do a good job is that the church isn't Daddy's job but rather the House of God and we belong to it just as the saints who worship there. Maybe this adds clarity. I too know many pks that have backslid. It breaks my heart. We are grateful ours have never had to be encouraged to be involved. Additionally, both of our chldren work on staff. Not at Dad's asking but at the requests of our saints. Our son is our full-time Youth Pastor. Our men requested Trent be hired for this position. Our daughter is a full time teacher at the request of our Administrator. Of course this causes for tight schedules as they complete their degrees. Thanks for allowing me to redeem myself! lol "Serving God is beautiful"... Hope your day will be blessed tomorrow. We are expecting great things in Conroe!
ReplyDeleteGuess I wasn't articulate enough! lol We teach it is God's church and not Dad's job and our kids are saints in the church! Like you said as for me and my house we will serve the Lord. It is our goal that every home in our church (God's church :)) will serve the Lord. Redonia and Trent each work full-time for our church. Trent is our Youth Pastor. When the vacancy became available it was the men of our church who encouraged my husband to hire Trent. Our school administrator asked for permission to hire Redonia. What an honor to have the people asking for them! They are balancing ministry and college. It's tough but they are doing it. They love every aspect of ministry. (on the streets, in the church, in the section, and in the district) They've done it all love it all and want it all....Sorry you miss understood me. Hope your day is blessed tomorrow. We are believing for a harvest. I'd love for you to ck out my blog!
ReplyDeleteTracie - thanks for the clarification. It is wonderful having our kids in church. Your kids sound like mine. They just love church! Bryce, our oldest son who is almost 22, also works for our church as pastor's assistant. This is because he wants to help. He also leads praise and worship, is a senior at Cal State University Bakersfield, and sings out at other churches frequently. He developed a relationship with God many years ago and we are so proud of him. His schedule is hectic but he manages to get it all done. It is such a great feeling to know he has developed such a close relationship with God. Now if my two little ones will follow suit. LOL My little boy is so ornery but he has a very soft heart. He got the Holy Ghost when he was very young and preached his first sermon at five years old. We know God has something special for him. He has heard God speak to him and give him thoughts. It is so amazing how God works even in our little ones. Parenting is such a huge responsibility and I pray God gives me the wisdom I need to guide my precious children.
ReplyDeleteTracie keep up the good work and have fabulous church tomorrow. I will drop by your blog soon.