Friday, January 18, 2008

Blessed, But Not A Bed of Roses

My last post received an overwhelming amount of response and I thought I would continue this post along the same line. The previous post was not meant to seek sympathy, but rather bring an awareness to the life of a PK. In fact, I was speaking of past events. As you already know, I grew up a PK and have my own PK's now. I wouldn't trade my life as a pastor's wife, but I will admit the thought has crossed my mind, "My kids did not choose this life." However, that is a lame thought because no child chooses the home in which they will grow up. Even so, PK's face unique situations. Rather than collect my thoughts, I am going to scratch the surface and speak randomly about things PK's face and why.

  • PK's and their families become strongly connected to the people in their congregation. They consider everyone as family even to the point of calling each other "brother" and "sister." They worship, laugh, cry, eat, and play together. On the occasion a member decides to leave or cause division in the congregation, it is sad because the PK has made an emotional and spiritual connection with this person.
  • PK's lives are often lonely even though their lives are busy. This is due to a several reasons. Some young people do not live their lives according to the instruction of the pastor and so they exclude the PK in any of their activities because they are afraid the PK will tell his/her dad what they did. (Most PK's would never tell because they are starved for the friendship and fellowship.) Loneliness can also be caused from not getting to "bear your heart" with your friends. All conversations are approached with caution.
  • PK's schedules are often interrupted. A planned trip to the beach may get cancelled because someone had a serious accident and dad now has to go to the hospital. The phone sometimes rings in the middle of the night and dad leaves to help someone. Just when you think you are smooth sailing, one phone call can change the entire day or week.
  • PK's are considered examples for the other kids of the church and, spoken sarcastically, "God forbid the PK does something wrong." I have never expected my kids to be examples and will not tell them they need to be one. Rather, I tell them they need to behave in a certain manner because that is what God would have them do. We do right because it is the right thing to do. In so doing, the PK will be a good example.
  • PK's sometimes struggle because others misjudge them or are jealous of them. Sometimes the struggle is knowing "Bro. Holy" is a hypocrite. This is a big reason why many PK's lose out with God because they become disillusioned. It is also another reason why I have taught my kids there ARE hypocrites and there ARE Christians. Don't worry about the hypocrites. God will take care of them.
  • PK's just "know" what is going on. Their parents can shelter them, never tell them what is happening in the church, but they will "know." They are keenly aware to what is happening. More than mom or dad will ever know.

Now don't shoot me because I have been real. There are many blessings to being a PK but sometimes one big problem can rock their boat to the point of giving up. I had a PK respond to the previous post stating, "... just knowing that you were a PK and survived with words to help others helps me. Thanks for your blogs and esp. this one." Because of that response, I want to make a statement to PK's.

PK, being a survivor depends upon how much fight you have deep inside and how real God is to you. You must know you believe what you believe not because of your parents. Read the Bible and understand it for yourself. If there are things you don't understand, ask your parents or your presbyter, or your district superintendent or a minister you respect. Don't seek counsel from other young people. On the roughest day, remind yourself that God is on your side and you can fight your way through the bad day. When you face a hypocrite, remind yourself there ARE some Christians. When youth exclude you, pray that God will change them or remove them. That sounds rough, but it works. Sometimes God changed them and they apologized to me. Other times, God moved the "thorn in my side." God said He wouldn't put more on you than you can bear. When you have an unbearable day, remind God of His promise to you. I have told God, "You said You wouldn't put more on me than I can bear and I can't take this junk." He heard me and He helped me. If all else fails, remember that Sis. Jana Allard said, "You can do it!" I believe in you.

The good definitely out-weighs the bad, but the bad days are soooo heavy because we are soooo emotionally and spiritually connected. I think all of us would readily admit we wouldn't change our lives of ministry, but we should be honest enough to admit there are days, even if they are few, we feel whipped, lonely, and beat up. BUT.........I can do all things through Christ.


  1. Very Good! I have prayed many times for God to move or change young people. That is when I learned to pray not my will but thine. Because sometimes I was really attached to them, but they were wreaking havoc on the youth group or church. It is always hard when God has to step in for the Kingdom's sake. I also learned that as Bro. Trout so aptly puts it "God has a way of having his way". We may know that people are doing wrong but if we pray and let God have His way he will bring it out with no further help from us. So I learned a long time ago not to get "involved" with all the problems. I pray and let God work on the problem. O, to see someone melt under the power of God and come to you (or someone else) asking for forgiveness after you have prayed! That is awesome! You ought to write a book!!

  2. I know a publisher. (Actually so do you!! =) Seriously, as you've so aptly stated there is a need here. I second the motion, You need to publish.

  3. This is another great post! Soo true! I found myself nodding in agreement as I read. Sometimes it is really hard to find the balance of what NEEDS to be shared with parents and what really doesn't. It's tough when a friend confides something in you and URGES you not to tell your parents, but it is something the pastor really NEEDS to know. It's hard to be stuck in the middle like that.

  4. Jana, another great post. BTW the title of this post would make a good book title. :-)

  5. Brian - thanks.

    Kevin - bottom line, prayer works. I think most PK's try not to get involved because they already have enough drama but they do need to remind themselves often to pray. If we can convince our PK's that prayer is the answer, they will survive. Even so, it is hard to have faith on a dark day. That is why we need to pray extra for all PK's.

    Von de Leigh - I have wanted to write a book since my college days. Who knows. Maybe someday.

    Weston - you have brought out another great point. I remember going through those tug-of-wars. You knew if you told, your friend would hate you and yet you knew the pastor needed to know. UGH!! Those rough days!

    Mark - thank you. Maybe someday I will actually fulfill my desire to write a book.

  6. I am in agreement with the others that said you ought to write a book. Is there even anything out there that addresses this important subject? I did not come to know the Lord until I was 16, but I am married to a preacher, so we have PKs at home. Since you have been there, you have helped me to see things through a PK perspective and have opened up my understanding more. I really appreciate these last two posts. Thank you for your honesty in sharing.

  7. Right again Sis. Allard. We can do it! Thanks for another great post :-)

  8. Carol - there are so many things I would like to right, but I am afraid that I would be misunderstood. I could write a book just on the things my sister I went through but it might be too painful.

    Megan - hang in there, girlfriend. I believe in you. You can always visit my website at and contact me privately, if you need/want to.

  9. Jana, I have read these posts with interest. I was not a PK nor are my kids. One caution: If you do decide to write a book, I think you should concentrate on what it's like to be a PK (because you know that) and not try to compare the lives of PKs with the lives of other kids (in or out of the church)because that you've never experienced.

    Some of us, whose parents were deacons etc., also "over-heard things" and "knew more about what was going on than the adults thought we did," because church members confided in each other rather than the pastor. Trust me, it happens.

    But the point isn't "my pain is greater than yours"; it's we need to pray for PKs. Telling their story could educate many of us. Getting a good editor could make all the difference between selling the book to friends and reaching a wider audience, and, therefore, helping more PKs.

    Go, Jana!!!

  10. Helen - thanks for your suggestions. In college, I enjoyed creative writing the most and had a few of my writings published in the school magazine. I have always wanted to write a book, but who knows. Maybe someday. As you said, we need to pray for PK's and all children of the world.

  11. Hi Sis Allard,

    I don't like to read much, but if you wrote a book for PK's, I would totally read it! lol Thanks for the stuff you written so far-it would be nice to hear from you more on the subject. I can relate so much to what you write, and it's nice to know others know what it's like!

  12. Jen - thanks for your vote of confidence. LOL You know, in every church I know the majority of the people are wonderful and love the pastor, his wife, and the PKs. The problem is that one (or 2 or 3) jealous person that makes life miserable. That's the one who looks down their nose every time you wear a new dress or shoes and seem to be glaring, "My tithes paid for that!" It's like they want you to feel guilty every time you have something new. Years ago, when accordian was THE instrument, my dad got me an electric one. Some heathen sabotoged it and ripped the jack input out and tore the chrome trim off. Believe me, Jen, I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt, the postcard, and could potentially be carrying alot of bitter baggage if I didn't give it all to God. I really do understand your position. Listen, if you ever have questions or need an ear, you can privately e-mail me providing your parents don't mind. You can get my e-mail address on my contact page of my website - Hang in there, honey!

  13. Thanks so much Sis Allard! You have me in tears. lol There's lots that goes on and I really think it was God that you decided to make those 2 posts when you did...again thanks...