Saturday, December 22, 2007

Sharing E-mail


1. Avoid carrot sticks.
Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas.

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello???

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat -- have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. I mean, have some standards

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"


  1. LOL! I see you're enjoying Christmas.

  2. My my...if I follow that advice, I WILL be in an early grave! hahahahaha! I just ate a bunch of Belgian chocolate, though, so I guess that's a start! ;) Merry Christmas! Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Yeah!!! Everyone starts a diet after the Holidays. But I want to live to see next year Ah! Ah! Ah!
    The Pryor family is on the road to be with you. Have a great time. Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family.
    God bless you.

  4. Helen - I wouldn't want it any other way. Hope you are enjoying your Christmas time, too.

    Janell - Belgium chocolates!!! You just told everyone the secret and now there will be a mad rush to hoard them. Belgium chocolates ARE the best!!!

    Catherine - we just had a great time with the Pryors. We ate turkey sandwiches, talked and laughed while the kids ran wild through the house. Hope you are having a great Christmas season.

  5. I agree that people who serve carrot sticks at Christmas parties must be.................................................................................................................OUT OF THEIR MINDS!

    Hope you and your family have an extra Merry Christmas!

  6. Carol - LOL You have a great Christmas, too.

  7. Love that email post. Do you have any idea who wrote it, or is it one of those that mysteriously appears through the ether waves? However, it is wonderful. That last line is glorious...

    Have a blessed and joyous Christmas--everybody there at the Allard house.

    Love all of you

    Shirley Buxton

  8. Sis. Buxton - it was just one of those "no name" e-mails. I try not to plagiarize but I didn't know whom to give credit.

    Hope you are having a great Christmas.

  9. Merry Christmas.

    I just left a fruitcake on my neighbor's porch. I guess I shouldn't have been seen "running" as I was leaving. Now I'm being charged with a hate crime.


  10. Ron - LOL I have sang a song about fruitcake as entertainment for Christmas. The chorus says, "Oh, oh, oh, what in the world am I gonna do with a fruitcake, it's made of all those squishy things that I will never eat, I wish there was a special place for fruitcake, and the fruitcake that sent fruitcake to me." Your arrest was a worthy cause...LOL....I will post bail for you.

  11. Jana - thank you for telling me how to REALLY enjoy the holidays. I always wondered how much to eat, and now I know...too late for this year, but I am now well prepared for next!!

  12. mysticskryten - thanks for dropping by.

  13. N E time missy ma'am, just glad I found you on here.


  14. #16!!!!!! I wondered who was "mysticskryten." How are you? WOW!!! You have caused my mind to flood with a ton of memories. Hope life is treating you better.

  15. Life is good and God is awesome! I thought the #16 would help jog your memory! Love you lots!

  16. #16 - Glad to hear all is well. Please visit often. It was nice hearing from you.